Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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