Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
