Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
