I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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