I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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