I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
