I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
