my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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