It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
be right there i have to get my cape
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
