Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
