if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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