my mouth tastes like poor choices
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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