Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
