you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
