Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
