Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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