Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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