No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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