So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
