Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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