Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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