did you get engaged???
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
