u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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