my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
