I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
