operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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