Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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