there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
