THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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