I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
