coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
