Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
