I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
