i don't want you to think of me as your TA
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
