is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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