my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
