I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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