id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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