My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
