Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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