I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
