Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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