apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do vagina's smell?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
