my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
