does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
