Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
