felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
