he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
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