Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
