ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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