highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
