If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
